Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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