coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this boner is exhausting
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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