One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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