Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
