Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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