seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
