I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
