I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
