my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
