Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
