Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
