It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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