Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
