I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
