she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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