Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
