I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
be right there i have to get my cape
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
