Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
