So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
