there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
