My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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