I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had sex on a roof
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
