You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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