my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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