Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
