So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
