I am puke
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
