I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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