He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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