i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
