We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
