erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Mom said you looked used
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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