what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
