Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
