im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
