we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
