I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
