I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
