Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
