I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
