what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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