I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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