Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
