I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
