I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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