he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He has the fingertips of a God
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