Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
