If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
