Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
