is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
