I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
