I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think your dad took our porno
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
