Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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