I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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