I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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