it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize